The RaceDoctor's Advice

[RaceDoctor]

The RaceDoctor rarely tells people what they should
feel. But he does try to clarify the consequences of
different ways of approaching tough issues. So there
are a few things to think about:

People learn what behaviors are acceptable through a
number of means, and one very important means of
learning is feedback from other people, particularly
valued people. By not offering any reaction to the use
of these slurs, you are not doing nothing. You are
communicating that such expressions are, at a minimum,
OK to use around you. And one could argue that your
implicit validation of such expressions is a message
that such slurs are OK, in general.

This is not to say that you should make policing other
people’s words a main focus of your life, or that you
have a moral obligation to intervene every time
something offensive is said. We all have limited
amounts of energy and time, and choosing one’s battles
well is important. But since people’s sense of what is
right and wrong is influenced by others, let’s not kid
ourselves about the implications of our silence.

A quote from Martin Luther King seems relevant here:

We will remember not the words of our enemies, but the
silence of our friends.

Just last week, The RaceDoctor heard some pejorative
language about gays used when he was in the
barbershop. He had another conversational agenda, and
chose not to intervene. But if MLK is right, both you
and The RaceDoctor should be a least a little humble
before we proudly proclaiming how strong allies we are
towards groups other than our own.